Wedding Etiquette

Wedding etiquette has slowly been slipping or evolving in our society and Grandma will surely let you know where you fall short.  When putting on a big party for friends and family, you may be wondering what are some common etiquette courtesies to consider.  From forgetting vendor meals to Instagram ring pics before calling Grandma, these courtesies will have everyone pleased. Moreover, they will show that you are intentional and  thoughtful towards everyone involved in your wedding.

#1 Social Media

This is where most couples will make a mistake at some point during the wedding planning process.  It is always helpful to be thoughtful about your post for a few days before posting to ensure you are not making a mistake.   When you first get engaged, do not post the your engagement before telling parents, grandparents, siblings, and those closest to you in your life.  Try to do so in person or over FaceTime (so you can show off the bling).  Then you may post ring pics to let everyone else know.  Also do not post any information regarding wedding planning.  Let your guests be surprised and take in the night.

#2 Taking care of People involved in your Wedding

It is important for you to show gratitude for all those involved in the wedding.  Many people will be making sure your day goes smoothly and you should be eternally grateful for the group effort.

Wedding Party.  Your wedding party will most likely be responsible for stuff pre-wedding and during the wedding day.  A great way to show your gratitude for their help and/or presence is a gift that will most likely be handed out during the rehearsal dinner.  Another way you can offer to help is paying for the girls hair and makeup and even shoes or dresses if you can.  Especially if people have to travel, weddings can get expensive for everyone involved.  If you cannot afford to help in large ways, be practical about not requiring the same shoes, get their hair done professionally, or any things of that nature.

Guests.  There are things that may be on your list such as sunset pictures and time on the party bus, but be cognizant of your guests and their time.  Do not make them wait two hours during cocktail time to be seated at their table.  Also, do not make them pay for their own drinks.  This is tricky because some people have a tight and real budget. But it’s important to host your own wedding even if that means just paying for the first drink, just hosting beer and wine for a limited time, or just hosting a signature cocktail.  If your guests decide they want another drink, open it up to a cash bar for everything else.

Workers.  People working your wedding will be on their feet all day making sure everything is perfect.  Make sure to provide vendor meals so they can enjoy the delicious food that you picked out.  This is such a big thank you to everyone involved.

#3 Include Family

Do I have to include my new sister-in-law or mother-in-law?  This might be the most asked question (mostly under-the-table) when planning a wedding.  I always think that the long term benefit of including your future family is worth everything.  You may have your perfect wedding party set, but the benefits of including someone you might not be as close with, but who will be in your life forever will outweigh the “perfect” wedding party picture that you look at twice in your life.  And mother-in-laws can be so helpful if you give them specific tasks.  Be polite when explaining that you want to wedding plan with your fiance, but you would love help with certain items and she will be thrilled to help.  Remember, you could be the mother-in-law one day and you may want to be thought of as well.

#4 All things invites

Invites can be tricky because most of us have not lived a very formal life.  Invites can be less formal, but it is wise to stick to a few rules.

Save the dates.  This is not a must, but if you do send save-the-dates, make sure to send invites to all the same people.  Even if certain guests say they will not be able to make it, send them a formal invite anyway.

Do not invite anyone over text or social media.  Everyone deserves a formal invite.

Do not put registry information on your wedding invitations.  If you register, information will get around by word of mouth and if not, most will give money.

If you know the name of the plus one, include it.  They want to feel special and included as well.

Include postage on the RSVP card.  If you are tight on a budget, find places to cut corners, but do not rely on your guests to share in the cost.

If you need more help with invitations, check out our blog completely dedicated to invitations.

#5 Thank You Notes!

Gratitude goes so far to anyone who puts time, money, and/or effort into making your day special.  A simple note goes a long way.  Here are some people to consider.

Guests.  Any guests who sent you any sort of gift should receive a thank you note within three months.  A common myth is that you have a year, but there is no reason to wait an entire year to thank someone properly.

All workers or anyone who helped in any way.  All vendors and anyone who should be receiving a tip should also receive a brief thank you note for their work.  This is a good task to give the mother-in-law or a bridesmaid to hand out the day of the wedding.

Family members who were a part of the process.  Many times you will have a family member or friend help with decor, babysit the kiddos during the wedding, or even just be a part of the wedding itself with a speech.  A little note appreciates their time, no matter how small.

There may seem like a lot of rules, but remember, even though this day is your wedding, there are many people to think about and easy ways to be courteous.  Think about everyone involved to make your day great and remember how your wonderful community of family and friends are coming together to support you.  When you consider everyone involved, they will be so grateful and it will make for a fabulous day!